Attachment Parenting (Questioning "Cry It Out" Approach)Using
a cross-disciplinary approach, examining brain
function, emotional learning in infants, and cultural differences, the
researchers at the Harvard Medical School's Department of Psychiatry
concluded that babies need touch and attention and that "cry it out"
approach is bad for them. No Duh! Surprising many Christians support
this "Cry It Out" parenting because it seems to lead to a more "submissive" baby.
"Parents should recognize that
having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently. It
changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future
trauma. ...We've stressed independence so much
that it's having some very negative side effects...Parents should feel
free to sleep with
their infant children, to keep their toddlers nearby, perhaps on a
mattress in
the same room, and to comfort a baby when it cries...There are ways to
grow
up and be independent without putting babies through this trauma...My
advice is to keep the kids secure so they can grow up and take
some risks."
(link to the Harvard University Gazette article)What is the church's role in all this? Well, if nothing else, more communal support for the family and especially mothers. Parenting is so hard, just physically exhausting at times. A wider community is essential for the well being of the baby and the whole family. We can't just leave all these issues for Orpah, Dr. Phil, Super Nanny, and etc. Doesn't the gospel of grace and truth say something about these issues?
click here for more gospel v. religious parentingCheck out this really amazing episode from
This American Life with Ira Glass about love between parents and children.
"[During]
the early Twentieth Century, a whole school of mental health
professionals decided that unconditional love was a terrible thing to
give a child. The government printed pamphlets warning mothers against
the dangers of holding their kids. The head of the American
Psychological Association and even a mothers' organization endorsed the
position that mothers were dangerous..."
click here for the free mp3 download
Comments (8)
yea, modern research can be fickle. it's important to note that most of the "modern" technological and medical advances of the early 1900's in terms of parenting and baby bearing were against ways that seem more natural and intuitive for mothers. i feel like they were expressions of "modern" hubris, thinking that the latest ideas are the greatest. (i.e. formula v. breast milk) the more recent research just states what i think many mothers have intuitively known all along like when babies cry you should attend to them. like baby want to be stuck to mothers all the time, even at night.
yes, i agree that babies are vastly different, some want to be held all the time, others seem more "independent" early on. i think the idea is to be "in tune" with the baby as much as possible so that you are treat every single baby with the individualized attention, not some sort of a strict schedule. there are just some basic things that are common to all healthy parenting. we might be limited in our ability, but that does not mean that those common thing change (i.e. once again, breastfeeding is the easier example, or t.v. as opposed to personal interaction)
BTW - i got your message - kind of hard to call due to time difference but will try to call later.
making sure that our marriage stays healthy and give our children an emotionally healthy home is crucial of course. we can't always do "the best" thing because it's just not feasible and that particular time, but like i mentioned before, i think it's important to know that there are common basic things that are best for kids.
about teaching kids boundaries, yes, that's definitely important. we just need to be in tune with the baby so that it's at an appropriate time for that child and not simply because that's what "everyone" does or that's the most convenient. but once again, taking into account the health of our marriage and our emotional state. that's why it's so important to get support from a large community so that we can make it through the tough times.
there are people who misunderstand attachment parenting as letting the kids rule and have no boundaries (which will be a form of child abuse) or sacrificing your marriage (once again in the end bad for the kids as well). dr. sears, who is a great representative of this approach, takes all of this into consideration and helps you navigate through these issues. even though you might not follow all of his advice, he can definitely help us to not screw up our kids on the long run. considering the state of our kids these days, i would say that that help is essential.
all children are unique. no one method is sufficient for raising children. drs. sears' principles have produced the best children (and parents) i've seen.